You Know It’s About Time When…

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It’s becoming tedious, not very fun, you hardly go out anymore, and you only see each other once a week? Flings are meant to be fun, not hard work. There’s no commitment, therefore there’s no reason to stay. If he was your boyfriend, that would be different, however, these are the signs that it’s time to leave that fling behind and move on with your life.

He keeps bailing on plans. You both make plans, however, something always comes up to keep you two from hanging out. He had plans with friends already, he’s too tired, he has to work in the morning — it doesn’t matter, you can not seem to get him to hang out with you. After all, those excuses didn’t exist when you first started hanging out right? It’s time to call it quits. If he’s not making time for you now, he’s not going to make time for you in the future. No girl deserves a guy who doesn’t make the time to hang out with them.

He doesn’t talk to you as much. When you first started hanging out you guys would text and talk all the time. Now conversation at dinner has dwindled, he says he wants to talk about things, and then is silent whenever the opportunity comes up, but most importantly – he goes hours and hours without a single text to see what you’re up to. As much as you try, this is also not going to get any better. It doesn’t mean that he has to text you 24/7, but 5 hours and nothing is a little much.

There’s no affection anymore. I’m not just talking about sex here. There’s no more hand holding, no more random kisses, he doesn’t hug you when he sees you anymore, and you even are sitting on opposite sides of the couch. This is already signaling that the two of you are distant. Not only that, but you hardly want to touch each other. If it is uncomfortable – get out while you can.

After several months, you’re still “just friends” to him. You guys have been seeing each other for a couple months, talking here and there. However, whenever it comes up, you’re “just friends”. Sure you are friends, however, there’s more going on there. You don’t need a relationship, but you don’t deserve to be “just friends” when there’s obviously more going on between the two of you. Even “complicated” is a better title. If he thinks of you this way, there’s no way this relationship is worth it. You’re just his way of biding time until he finds someone he really wants to invest his time with.

You aren’t even friends. If you two were to break it off, you wouldn’t even want to be his friend. That says something right there. There’s no point in being with someone who you can’t even be friends with. Part of being with someone, is that aspect of friendship. The fact is, if he can’t be there for you, he won’t ever be there for you. It’s pointless if there’s no friendship.

Calling it off as you see these signs will save you the trouble. Sure, things may get better, however, no girl deserves to be in an unhappy situation only to wait it out. If you are committed to him, that’s one thing, but if it’s a causal fling? Let him go.

Don’t Be THAT Girl, Be A Strong Independent Girl

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In recent weeks, I have spoken to most of my girlfriends about their relationships. I have given mountains of advice, listened to the frequent stories, and pulled from my own experience. Never before in my life have I felt so knowledgeable about relationships.

There is one friend who sticks out in particular. Over the course of a little bit over a year, she was dating this guy. They met at work and she fell in love, they started dating. Let me note by saying, I never liked this guy – despite that I never met him, but the way that her behavior changed really made me wonder about him and his motives. She drifted away from our friendship and was more interested in him. She never asked what was going on in my own life or my own relationships. She would begin to treat me like she knew exactly what I should do with relationships and how certain guys were wrong for me because I should be in a relationship and in love. So when she finds out that the boyfriend cheated on her infrequently throughout the entire relationship, her life is “ruined”. Well, according to her. She is so devastated that she could not go to work for two weeks or even be back at her apartment in Seattle. Instead, she spent the weeks with her parents recovering and expected me to help. Despite the fact that I work almost full time and go to school full time too. With that, she ditched plans with me to meet with him and talk about what happened. Pity? No. In fact, she hasn’t even bothered to ask how my life is going. She is so devastated by this break up that she allowed it to over take her life.

My advice? Do not be this girl. This girl is not strong and independent. There is nothing wrong with guys. Men are wonderful when you meet the right one. Nothing is perfect, but women make all the same mistakes that men do. However, there is no reason to be dependent on a man for your happiness. Instead, it is possible be strong and independent and happy all while being with someone. Not only does it make you a dependent person, always looking for a single person responsible for your happiness, but you can and will (in some instances) lose friends.

Your friends will get tired of listening to your “perfect” relationship or even about your relationship problems when you are too scared to tell the other person how you really feel. With that, healthy relationships are not relationships where you are joined at the hip. That’s the problem. Healthy relationships are where you have your own lives, but you WANT the other person in your life. It’s not about needing them or a commitment, sometimes it’s just about wanting that person and their personality in your life because they are good for you.

I thrive on being the girl who is never publicly devastated. Instead after a break up, you will find me at home with my family (all smiles), back at work, back at school, back into my normal routine.

So be the girl who is strong and independent. The girl who doesn’t NEED a boyfriend, but instead that girl who wants that one guy around just because she enjoys his company and how much he makes her laugh.